[Gambian anthem disaster] Africa/Politics [23/08/06] In a bizarre diplomatic and consitutional mixup, Gambias previous national anthem has been replaced with the nursery rhyme 'Simple Simon'. Gambian politicians are furious that the new anthem is now legally binding. Gambias previous national anthem had been sent to the World Anthem Ratification Council in Geneva for a normal annual re-registration process. According to the council, the title of the Gambian anthem was mistranslated as 'Simple Simon' during the process of registration and was subsequently ratified and stored on the councils anthem database. Once a nations anthem is ratified and stored, the anthem is then legally binding under international law until the next annual review. Maxwell Kalu, Gambian minister for Interior Affairs has pressed strongly to have the ratification reversed. He has made several trips to Geneva, but has been turned down repeatedly by the council: 'This is a travesty beyond words. A proud nation has now a childrens rhyme for their national anthem. The councils decision is ridiculous and has no legal basis, they are simply unable to admit to their errors." "The coucil has made mistakes before now. We well remember the disgraceful incident in 1957, when the Russian national anthem was lost entirely for eight months, and was discovered in the offices of a French lunatic asylum before being returned to Russia. The World Anthem Ratification Council has yet to make a formal apology to the former Soviet Union for their carelessness." Kalu continues to fight for the ruling to be overturned, until then it's Simple Simon for Gambia. Sandy Kellerman [World Report]. Simple Simon Simple Simon met a pieman, Going to the fair; Says Simple Simon to the pieman, "Let me taste your ware." Says the pieman to Simple Simon, "Show me first your penny," Says Simple Simon to the pieman, "Indeed, I have not any." Simple Simon went a-fishing For to catch a whale; All the water he could find Was in his mother's pail! He went to catch a dicky bird, And thought he could not fail, Because he had a little salt, To put upon its tail. He went for water with a sieve, But soon it ran all through; And now poor Simple Simon Bids you all adieu.

[Crayons and child obesity] Global/Healthcare [19/04/06] Recent research has revealed the possibility that obesity in children could be cut by reducing crayon use. Each coloured crayon in the world contains an average of 2.6 percent saturated fat. When a child draws trees and houses, the fat content of the crayons osmates directly through the skin and gathers around the buttocks and chin. This problem had gone unnoticed for decades, until research undertaken at Boston's Debdin Centre for Bigness began to reveal a link between colouring and weight. The centre later released figures that suggested children who regularly colour things in were actually 11/15% larger than children who rejected colouring books of any kind. Doctors also began to notice a steady increase in what is now commonly known as 'shade-ass'. Children engaging in excessive colouring will osmate, or 'take in', a percentage of colour pigment along with the crayons natural fats. If amounts become high enough, the childs buttocks will not only enlarge, but may actually take on the shade of the crayons favoured most. A recent survey of this problem revealed the yellow and orange sections of the colour spectrum to be the most popular, and when a child is diagnosed as having this problem, de-shading can be a lengthy and costly process. Marian Chandler, chairperson of MAC [Moms Against Color] is disappointed with unfulfilled promises and a lack of action from the industry as a whole: "My child Bethany loved colouring, and I used to think it was an innocent and harmless pastime, how wrong I was. Bethany now suffers from gigantism of both buttocks, and is undergoing weekly counselling sessions for psychiatric problems arising directly from chin related phobia." Marian is furious with the American medias obsession with bright colours: "If it had not been for this nations slavish and government sanctioned love of color, my daughters hind quarters would be human child sized. Instead, she is forced to sit upon the equivalent of a large pair of 40 year old buttocks. It shocks me to think of my child as just one of the many victims of colour. How I wish her world were black and white." Help is at hand though, Beddowes Toys Inc, one of Americas biggest toy manufacturers, have announced a major breakthrough and will unveil a new series of reduced fat crayons in the near future. Called 'KolorThin', the brand new and extensive range of 'lo-fat' crayons is expected to significantly decrease the weight of artistic juveniles. Beddowes say that all the popular colours are available in the 'KolorThin' range, with some interesting and exciting new additions that include; Hitler brown, bluey-reddish-ish and crackwhore purple. This promises to be an interesting development both in the art of children and the nations nutritional needs. Colour yourself thin! Greg Parradine [World News Asscn].

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