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[Humans in new simulation game.]
India/Gaming

[13/10/06]

SimIndia, the latest computer simulation game from Japanese software mavericks Maboroshi will break new ground with the inclusion of real human beings as part of the game infrastructure.

After legal battles lasting for two years Maboroshi were recently given the all clear to use an entire Indian village as the basis for their new simulation.

The entire populus of Chetta, a village in the southwestern Indian state of Keralam, have signed up with the game developers for a shared annual fee of just £67,000 [5,170,000 rupees]. At just under £6000 per year for each villager, the payment will increase the average income by a factor of twenty.

Villagers are initially to be paid similar fees per annum, but Maboroshi may introduce a 'voting' element into the game structure, which could find more popular villagers earning more.

All 1140 villagers have now legally agreed to function as 'game elements' and can be controlled by the online gamers who sign up. Gamers who purchase a full licence for SimIndia will be able to affect villagers in many ways, some controversial.

Being made to physically fight or injure other people, being made to smoke, drink or take drugs and being made to hang glide from tall trees are just some of the things sparking controversy as the beta version airs.

Maboroshi are hoping the prohibitive cost of a full SimIndia licence [£3500] will deter those who may wish to abuse or injure the villagers via the Internet.

Veraz Anson [GameZonze].

Many critics of SimIndia fear that the inclusion of human beings within a computer game is the first disturbing step in the creation of a new underclass of 'cyberdolls'. An underclass that will act as human playthings for wealthy Western gamers.

Many of the poorest third world nations with inhabitants eager for income seem willing to welcome this 'exploitainment' and to turn a blind eye to the moral ambiguity.

Akshar Pranav, deputy Mayor of Chetta, is adamant that his villages annual contract with Maboroshi will bring new levels of prosperity to the region:

"For too long, we in Chetta have been living in the dark ages. We know little of the games which are played in the West. We see this as an adventure, and a challenge to be met. Critics may have harsh words to say to us, but we have benefits that we had never before even dreamed of. I myself have been able to purchase a ski lift, two disused railway stations and the entire works of Mario Lanza on vinyl recording."

Critics also fear for the more traditional aspects of life in Chetta, citing the introduction of two fast food restaraunts, a pole dancing club and several bars selling alcohol as the start of a 'westernising' trend that could spell the end of indigenous Indian culture in Chetta.

Maboroshi executives based in India are keen to highlight the wealth creation and economic aspects of their business, whilst critics accuse them of glossing over the less acceptable facets of the venture:

"The people of Chetta are taking part in a ground breaking excercise, one that could have far reaching potential for more third world nations seeking greater wealth creation possibilities."

"Once initial problems have been ironed out, and the villagers are happy with the situation we can start to implement the ground rules and look at the legal ramifications as the scenario progresses."

"Of course, making people eat 5 kilos of damson jam whilst disco dancing, forcing them to have sexual relations with slippers, making people pretend to be gay astronauts or having people hit their own toes repeatedly with a toffee hammer may not be deemed acceptable in the west. But these are forward looking people who see change as an opportunity and a challenge. You can be sure if anything untoward happens the simulation will be stopped."

Protest groups are fearful the game will allow Westerners to adopt third world inhabitants as their 'playthings', but locals such as Pradeet Gurnah look forward to the boost in income and opportunity.

He has been part of the beta testing of the game and explains what the experience involved:

"I was firstly off quite unpopular, but then a gamer ordered me to sing 'Fly me to the Moon', whilst masturbating onto a crab and i became somewhat of a star. I love this game and all it has brought me and my family.


['Whore' chocolate Jesus rage]
USA/Foodstuffs
[13/12/06]

Christian groups in the U.S.A. are enraged over a planned chocolate bar and its forthcoming ad campaign. The candy bar, made by Walden US is to be marketed as the 'Beeatch' bar, a reference to modern American slang for prostitute or 'hooker'.

Religious groups have protested not only about the name, but also about the forthcoming advertising campaign, which is rumoured to feature an actor playing Jesus Christ.

Rev R. D. Millibard, pastor and minister at the 'Church of the Mostly Reclusive' [Harton - Kansas] has expressed outrage and indignation at the proposed candy bar and Son of God based ad campaign:

"The Lord God Almighty did not put His only son onto this green earth to peddle Satan's own morsels provided by the most heathen and fallen chocolate producer this side of the Orient. The sordid representation of desperate and derided 'fallen women' on a tasty between-meals snack bar smacks of Gay-Bar Satanism. We can only pray. "

Jethro Haverton [left], the small screen cult actor playing Jesus Christ has issued a short press statement, and will offer no further comment regarding the furore:

"The big guy was pinned to a tree for these very rights of freedom, the right to express ourselves however we choose, even through lollipops and puddings," says Haverton. "Every nail hammered home was a cry for the warm chocolate of freedom to flow over the crisp, nut filled bar of humanity."


McGill, Farl and Summers, one of the leading advertising agencies in America worked with ShoKTaKtiKs™, a radical new agency based in Washington state, to prepare the million dollar 'Beeatch Bar' media campaign.

McGill, Farl and Summers have been reticent to comment, and refuse to release a statement until the campaign is in full swing. However, ShoKTaKtiKs™ creative director of component media J. Stanford Proby [right] was muscular in his defence of their ad:

"What the f**k is wrong with a gnarly Jesus C? We get him to appear screen left water-walking over a Beverley Hills pool, he feels his Godsack up Mickey Jackson style, unwraps the f**king candy bar and jams it right the f**k into his holy word-hole. Jethro's mid western accent is perfect, when he says 'I love a Beeatch', the little girls will be killing sinners for him in two shakes of a lambs whang.
F**k Timberlake, the man on the cross is back.
"

Several lawsuits are pending against the advertising campaign and indeed the product itself, and the outcome will decide the fate of this particular candy. The last word goes to ShoKTaKtiKs™ J. Stanford Proby:

"What the f**k is everyone amped up for? Chocolate's in the f**king Bible isn't it?

Carole Shellerman [Media Station].

[Artist sells his own hand] USA/Arts [10/09/06]

A work of art which includes the severed hand of conceptual artist Gustav Schaeffer has sold at a New York auction for $856,000. Schaeffer had the hand surgically removed at a private clinic in Manhattan one year ago and has subsequently included it in his recent piece 'Mint Expulsion'.

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[Rap star facing jail time]
USA/Music

[04/03/06]

Volatile West coast rapper 'Pippy' Shanks will appear before the Californian Supreme Court on four counts of dissemination of sexual material. The indictments come after raids on the rappers Beverly Hills home which resulted in the seizure of illegal video and DVD material.

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[Poet breaks transfer record]
Europe/Arts

[25/01/06]

Reclusive Belgian hyper|realist poet Nico de Borst has set a new record for a poets transfer with an astonishing fee of 3.6 million Euros. His move from the Dutch publishing giant EK to rising American publishing house Farrel-Reed has surprised many industry insiders.

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