['Whore' chocolate Jesus rage]
USA/Foodstuffs [13/12/06]
Christian groups in the U.S.A. are enraged over a planned chocolate bar and its forthcoming ad campaign. The candy bar, made by Walden US is to be marketed as the 'Beeatch' bar, a reference to modern American slang for prostitute or 'hooker'.
Religious groups have protested not only about the name, but also about the forthcoming advertising campaign, which is rumoured to feature an actor playing Jesus Christ.
Rev R. D. Millibard, pastor and minister at the 'Church of the Mostly Reclusive' [Harton - Kansas] has expressed outrage and indignation at the proposed candy bar and Son of God based ad campaign:
"The Lord God Almighty did not put His only son onto this green earth to peddle Satan's own morsels provided by the most heathen and fallen chocolate producer this side of the Orient. The sordid representation of desperate and derided 'fallen women' on a tasty between-meals snack bar smacks of Gay-Bar Satanism. We can only pray. "

Jethro Haverton [left], the small screen cult actor playing Jesus Christ has issued a short press statement, and will offer no further comment regarding the furore:
"The big guy was pinned to a tree for these very rights of freedom, the right to express ourselves however we choose, even through lollipops and puddings," says Haverton. "Every nail hammered home was a cry for the warm chocolate of freedom to flow over the crisp, nut filled bar of humanity."

McGill, Farl and Summers, one of the leading advertising agencies in America worked with ShoKTaKtiKs™, a radical new agency based in Washington state, to prepare the million dollar 'Beeatch Bar' media campaign.
McGill, Farl and Summers have been reticent to comment, and refuse to release a statement until the campaign is in full swing. However, ShoKTaKtiKs™ creative director of component media J. Stanford Proby [right] was muscular in his defence of their ad:
"What the f**k is wrong with a gnarly Jesus C? We get him to appear screen left water-walking over a Beverley Hills pool, he feels his Godsack up Mickey Jackson style, unwraps the f**king candy bar and jams it right the f**k into his holy word-hole. Jethro's mid western accent is perfect, when he says 'I love a Beeatch', the little girls will be killing sinners for him in two shakes of a lambs whang.
F**k Timberlake, the man on the cross is back."
Several lawsuits are pending against the advertising campaign and indeed the product itself, and the outcome will decide the fate of this particular candy. The last word goes to ShoKTaKtiKs™ J. Stanford Proby:
"What the f**k is everyone amped up for? Chocolate's in the f**king Bible isn't it?
Carole Shellerman [Media Station].